im about as happy as oj after his trial
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
He shit in the fireplace
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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