Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
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