Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
