in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
