She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
