i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
