**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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