I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
