If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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