Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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