girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Randomize
