So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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