pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize