I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
