My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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