I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
