She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
