i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
