Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
