he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Randomize
