I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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