Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
no more duck duck goose at the bar
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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