I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
