he wants to bone in the snuggie
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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