Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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