it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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