Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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