Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
