Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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