If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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