in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
