i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
