woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
