This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
