It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
