tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
