i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
