Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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