She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
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