we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Randomize
