Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
