my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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