Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
