I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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