I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
