Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
