Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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