if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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