your parents love me but you hate me
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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