Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
