Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
