Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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