New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
We left an ass print on the piano.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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