I just saw a hot homeless man
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
