You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
