I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
cat food counts as protein by the way
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
