Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Randomize
