I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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