Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
this beer tastes like vomit already
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Actions speak louder than pants.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
